3/19/08

I just woke up from a vivid dream...

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The dream takes place in a neighborhood I've never seen, though I feel I've dreamt about it before. Average sized two story houses lined with tall overgrown trees, and lots of them. I find myself behind the houses in a sort of valley path between the backyards. The entire dream is in a dark saturation of blues and greens and blacks, as could be brought on by the most darkest rainy day at dusk. The dim overcast provides very little light to the ground below the trees.

The backyards are haphazard, and contain evidence of abandoned history: half-chopped log piles, untended gardens, piles of dead leaves, wire fences in desperate need of repair, overgrown sandboxes, drenched toys. Everything is soggy and black with the dampness. No one in site, and apparently the neighborhood is flooding.

I spent a few hazy moments in the company of some panicked people in one of the houses at first, perhaps my own family... but eventually I find myself out in the back in this area between the houses with a self-initiated quest. I'm apparently to find a lost infant out in the rain.

The dream is silent, except for the patter of raindrops on tree leaves. I search and search, no evidence, looking in all the backyards. I finally stumble across one yard, completely overgrown, there is a broken stroller among the knee-high grass, and in it is the child, silent but aware, its face pale white against the surrounding blue. I sink into the mud and attempt to keep the infant warm and dry as best I can, with no one in sight.

3/16/08

K, WELL..... so here we are.

Bitto' a RANDOM blog here.... A lot of obscure, unrelated things (thank you very much, Add). Lot of things happened this week.

Tuesday was Kate-I-E's Birthday dinner at Bonzai (hibachi-style dining), which is always fun. Kate-I-E was doing well, and she FINALLY was able to land some employment (thank God, cause I really did not want HMM-HMM.... contacting her for any more freelance... (cough cough... uhh hm, what?) ........ (okay I'll stop with the parenthesis).

Also got my haircut..finally.

Wednesday went to Princeton w/ Mike for some 'bucks. Thursday night, went to Triumph in New Hope to meet a coworker of Mike's for his big 36th Birthday celebration. Um... yea.

Okay, crazy story. So, it was a little awkward when the man, 11 years my elder, and drunk as hell, started hitting on me. My friends left, leaving John as my ride, who found it amusing, as I was the only one there who would [ahem] fit the bill. B-day Boy: "Jim.... what do you want?" Jim: "uhhh nothing really, hehe..." I look to John for help, who's giggling as he flirts with some girl. B-day Boy: "NO Jim...what do you WANT??"

That went on for about an hour. Nothing like feeling like a piece of meat, and being TOLD I am one by the very man, who's wasted, and hoping "you, on my bed in 5 minutes, naked" would some how issue out of my mouth in response to his persistent question. John finally saved me at some point, and drove me to my car across the bridge...yea I have no words.

Friday I didn't really do anything. Yesterday was Movie Night with the guys, had some good Pay-Per-View WWF video game action, and then watched... oh god... The Delta Force.... yes that's right, Jason dusted off his VHS box, and pulled out the most remarkable slew of rocket motorcycles and dusty jihad-fused bad dialogue the likes of Chuck Norris could bring illuminating the living rooms of America's finest stereotypes c. 1986. It was painful and oh-so-good at the same time.

Today, did a little bit of research at B&N w/Rich, and returned as we watched with captivation HBO's 'John Adams' 7-part miniseries. I have to tell you, I LIKE where movies are going, and that is in the venue of stark realism. I think it began with Braveheart, and the series of period epics that have come about since, that have come to dictate how much people want to see 'What was it REALLY like?' Films such as Elizabeth I and II, The Last Samurai, Amistad, Cold Mountain, The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and even the extreme of The Passion of the Christ to name a few, in addition to such series from HBO as Deadwood, and Rome, all these bits of cinema, taking obscure little nooks and crannies of history, and NOT dolling them up, as Hollywood has done to films in the past, but presenting them in their raw, desaturated grime and grit of reality, not showing all that you need to show for the time and place. You really feel for the character's involved, and you are truly taken into their world as authentically as possible.

'John Adams' in particular tells an amazing story of love, devotion doused with powerful patriotism, not presenting how America was so confident and stubborn in their earliest birth, but how our founding fathers were scared shit-less at what they were doing, how completely lucky the colonies were in all that they hoped would happen, and how it meant their heads in noose, if it didn't work out. I'm truly captivated, and I consider the American Revolution, and its international relations during the time to be some of the most interesting subjects in history. It often makes me sad that I take for granted the incredible history that has happened all over this area. I've made it my personal goal to invest some time into going to history specific sites, and learn as much as I can, as it's incredibly inspiring.

Other than that, I've delved back into Illustration. It didn't take much to determine, but I firmly believe that illustration, freelance or otherwise, is where I find my passion.

I know, I know... starving artist...God help me.

Lavalamp

As a matter of fact,
there are two constants here.

A gnawing and aching
gutwrenching pain,
which cannot be ignored,
or can it?

On the other hand, there is a right-handed
fist, pushing on, amidst ensuing chaos,
the will to straighten out and optimize.

In one moment we are at our lowest,
an operatic mess of indignant faces and
all shades of the color blue.
The next, determined, resilient,
cool and calculating.
That's just how we do things here in New Jersey.

I had a good time with you, kid.
Special to me.
You connected with me on many different levels.
You ensnared my passions, heightened my drive.

It was not false. Just ill-timed.

I did what I did, not because of you.
but, because of me, quite simply.
Attachment is only so healthy before
we acknowledge the balance that must exist.

I was... out of balance.

Not caused by weakness,
but circumstance.
Never underestimate change,
as I had in my career, and in life.

You became a primary reason
why I woke up in the morning.
Just thought you should know that.

In a lot of ways, you and I
were completely alike in circumstance.
Which is why we connected so well.

Life will change for you. It is definite.
Life must change for me,
in looking at empirical evidence of happiness.

In society, adulthood can be
defined by career, and social status.
None of which is built without a certain
sense of self-dependancy and confidence.

I aim to build on these requirements.
I think I'll start with a couple pairs of jeans,
and a decent run.

I don't know what's in store.
Down the road, gazing from the ol' Civic.
I only hope this is not over.
Until later, Bean.

Thank you.